A Geeky Screed.

What the fuck happened to functional computer cases? I'm not a computing grandpa. I've never seen a Tandy up close, let alone worked one. But I do remember when cases took up several square yards of space. They were ugly, tan, and easy to work with. Even people with hands the size of small hams could work in them. Bays out the ass. Free space by the mile!

I need a new computer case. My current one is sadly inadequate for coolin' mah graphics card. Airflow is balls, and not the canine kind. Plus, it's just too small for me. So, off to the interweb shopping mall. Man, there's a lot of cases. There's gotta be a case for me in here somewhere. A sturdy, fairly inexpensive case with a fan up front and enough room to fit a bountiful VGA(calling it "fat" would be unkind to it). Oh, and enough depth to stick one of those Mount Rushmore sized steel towers they use to cool CPUs now. I gotta have one of those.

This looks promising. It's got the sleek modern stylings, which doesn't amount to a rat's dick by me but whatever. Hold on a tick... I don't see any drives up front. No expansion slots. Okay, pictures... a door? Yes, a door. I have to open a door to get to my CD drive. So much for convenience. When did a case become a fashion accessory? Okay, pretend being a geek was cool when you were a kid.

HEY?! What the fuck happened to screws? "Screwless drive mounting?" I want my screws back. You know why? Because they WORK. They aren't made of that special kind of plastic reserved for parts that shouldn't break but do. So what if you need a screwdriver? If you are pulling parts out often enough for that to be a serious hassle, you've got too much time and money. Thumbscrews, I'm totally down with those. Plastic? Bleck. Okay, this doesn't have any bullshit on it and... it costs $120. Bastards! Screw 'em. I've got a dremel, a drill, and geek resolve. I'll make my own damn air vent if I have to duct tape a fan and air filter to a bare hole.